Sunday, Mar. 28, 2004 | 2:31 p.m.

pain

Excerpt from my old diary

"Sometimes i get so unhappy or mad that i think about hurting myself.(No, this does not mean that after i write this im going to go hurt myself. Im not going to. Im too afraid of pain. So dont worry, im not going to do anything stupid.) I havent done it yet simply because i fear pain. And im not saying that im going to. It really doesnt get you anywhere. Sure, it relieves the pain for a while but then after a while, itll come back. And it just becomes a cycle of pain and then hurting yourself to make it go away and then it comes back. Its like this with people who do drugs to escape. "Drug use is escapism whether you want to admit it or not.." There is no escape from pain. Pain will always be in your life no matter what your doing or who you are or who your with. Everybody has pain in their life. And sometimes theres more pain in one persons life then there is in someone elses life. So what is my escape from all of this pain you ask???

Movies... movies take you off into another world. Into another world of happiness or sadness. Movies with adventures, romance, thrillers and horror movies. And then theres the other way: pretending to live in a far off place by the ocean. A private beach where its comforting and soothing. "

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