Wednesday, Oct. 29, 2003 | 8:29 p.m.

What Is A Lover?

What does it mean to be a lover? It is more than just being married to or making love to someone. Millions of people are married, millions of people having sex-but few are real lovers. To be a real lover, you must commit to and participate in a perpetual dance of intimacy with your partner.

You are a lover when you appreciate the gift that your partner is, and celebrate that gift everyday.

You are a lover when you remember that your partner does not belong to you-he or she is on loan from the universe.

You are a lover when you realize that nothing that happens between you will be insignificant, that everything you say in the relationship has potential to cause your beloved joy or sorrow, and everything you do will either strengthen your connection or weaken it.

You are a lover when you understand all this, and thus wake up each morning filled with gratitude that you have another day in which to love and enjoy your partner.

When you have a lover in your life, you are richly blessed. You have been given the gift of another person who has chosen to walk beside you. He or she will share your days and your nights, your bed and your burdens. Your lover will see secret parts of you that no one else sees. He or she will touch places on your body that no one else touches. Your lover will seek you out where you have been hiding, and create a haven for you within safe, loving arms.

Your lover offers you an abundance of miracles every day. He has the power to delight you with his smile, his voice, the scent of his neck, the way he moves. She has the power to turn the ordinary into the sunshine. She is your doorway to heaven here on earth.

No two relationships are alike. It would be like comparing the 2 leaves from the same tree. On the surface, they both appear the same, but it's the tiny, undefinable differences that make the two unique.

What might seem like an odd union to your or me is perfectly ordinary to the couple involved. Relationships are about what you put in and what you take out. And the only people who can judge the worth of what they receive are the people in the commitment. Mostly I believe love is a personal thing; it can best be valued by the person you give it to.

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